Get closer to your goals with this simple yet powerful mindshift

Quick…What’s something you want right now? Something you want to have, do, or be?

I bet you can come up with an answer pretty easily.

We’re all familiar with the idea of wanting something. For more significant desires, we often turn them into a goal or milestone to achieve.

The problem is, the way we set up our goal statements could actually be preventing us from reaching our goals.

Here’s what I mean…

When we say our want in the form of what we DON’T want, we’re focusing on the negative outcome. For example, saying, “I want a job that doesn’t control my life” not only puts your focus on your problem—a job situation that’s driving you crazy—but it also says nothing about what you want to see happen instead.

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In order to focus on what we truly desire and have a chance of achieving it, it helps to have an “I want” statement that supports a positive outcome. Here’s how to reframe “I want a job that doesn’t control my life” into a positively focused version:

I want a job that provides flexibility to spend quality time with my family.

I want a job that respects my personal time.

I want a job that gets me excited to start my day!

See the difference in these statements versus the “before” version? I don’t know about you, but thinking about a job that’s controlling my life is kinda depressing. I immediately feel a heaviness. In comparison, saying, “I want a job that gets me excited to start my day” puts a little smile on my face. I imagine myself waking up happy and energized, which is sending my thoughts in a positive direction!

This shift in mindset, while pretty simple, is also pretty powerful. Why? We’re more likely to achieve a goal when we’re excited about it. Plus, focusing on the situation we’re trying to create—as opposed to get out of—will encourage positive results because we’re looking for ways to accomplish what we want.

Are you ready to supercharge your goals?

Here are some simple action steps you can take right now to create energizing and positive-focused goal statements:

  1. Become aware of how you frame what you want. Recall what came to mind when I asked you what you wanted at the beginning of this post. When you say or think it, give it the smile/frown test. As in, does declaring your goal make you smile or frown?
  2. If it starts off as “I don’t want” or is in the form of wanting something not to happen, take a minute to consider how you can flip your statement into a positive one. What is the best possible scenario? Eliminate words such as can’t, don’t, never, no, not, shouldn’t, and won’t.
  3. Repeat your upgraded goal statement.
  4. Watch for the smile 🙂

Now that you’re in a positive frame of mind, start taking action on your goal!

Sharing your goals with others is one empowering way to get the ball rolling. I’d love to hear your supercharged goal!

 

Redefining Roadblocks

There’s something about encountering a roadblock that makes you want to curl your upper lip into a snarl. You’re on the route you want to go, to the place you want to be, and then….

BAM! Full stop. Can’t go that way. No can do.

Some roadblocks are small and not a big deal. Other times, they are. Huge.

When you’re driving, you can consult Google Maps or Siri or some other all-knowing navigation system. But what do you do when the roadblock appears not on a highway or street, but in your life, on the path to your goals?

Roadblocks are a part of life, happening whether you expect them and deal with them like a pro…or not. I used to see roadblocks as a sign of defeat or inadequacy, so I’d often do all I could to avoid bumps in the road–which, in the mantra “go big or go home,” often leads to the latter option. When I did go big and it didn’t pay off, I worried I wouldn’t find an alternate route to my dreams.

Now? Roadblocks are my teachers, guides, reality checks, and rescuers. I throw out the welcome mat to them. Here’s why:

Roadblocks test your resolve and desire.

When your car hits potholes, you find out just how good your suspension and tire pressure is. When you hit one of Life’s potholes, you find out just how committed you are to the direction you’re headed. Your commitment level may fall into one of these categories:

  • Zero interest. You’re done. Congrats, you’ve discovered the path you were on isn’t for you. A valuable insight–to get to sooner than later–so you can get on with your life.
  • You’re still committed. But also bummed out, burned out, and/or stressed out.  These feelings are normal when you hit a wall. Uncomfortable for sure, but not a terrible place to be. Even doubt, worry, and fear can be useful…as long as that heaviness doesn’t persist long enough to hold you down permanently. Consider why these feelings arose and tune into the mind chatter that’s accompanying them. Maybe this is your opportunity to deal with an unsupportive belief or story about yourself. Because if you don’t now, they’re sure to show up down the road too.
  • You are all in, no matter what. No roadblock will shut you down! You’re a rock star. This commitment level is reinforcing your passion and your path. But before charging ahead, evaluate if the roadblock you’re facing could have been avoided by a different strategy, execution, or attitude. Slow your roll before taking immediate action–take time to reflect on the journey up until now, adjust your plan if necessary, and only then act upon the resulting action step.

Roadblocks force you to think, reflect, question, and brainstorm.

When you encounter a literal roadblock, you consult your smart phone’s or car’s map for an alternate route. When you hit a roadblock in life, you also need to take the time to evaluate the situation. Maybe you didn’t think much about the direction you were going and a deeper dive is in order. Have things changed that, in turn, ask you to reevaluate your wants, goals, and vision for your future?  Perhaps now’s a chance to get clear about your motives, why you started down this road in the first place and what you hope to get out of it. Will it serve your heart’s and soul’s purpose or needs? Or did your pursuit originate from a “should do”?

Roadblocks provide opportunities to learn, grow, and discover.

Like some of the most memorable and pleasurable road trips, unexpected detours may end up being the best part of the journey. And if they aren’t, you at least learn something about yourself and your travel companions along the way. The discovery might be that the “detour” is actually your true path. The lesson could be that the direction you were going was right but the timing wasn’t.

Metaphorical roadblocks test your flexibility and coping skills. Ask yourself questions. Listen to the answers. Brainstorm alternatives. The trick is to use roadblocks to your advantage so that when you finally get up and over them (which you will!), you’re an even better version of yourself because of the experience.

Bringing Your Dreams to Light and Life

One of my Big Dreams came true. I’m a published author.  Although I “knew” this day would come, it didn’t unfold as I’d imagined.

Have you ever wished and hoped for something, and then had the courage to start taking action on it, and then failed a few (or many) times, and worked on getting better and put in more time and effort because, in your bones, you knew this is something you must do–even if it doesn’t earn you a living or recognition–because you can contribute in some small way to the world? 

And then, after all the doubts and fears that you aren’t good enough–all those Who do you think you are for doing this? What makes YOU so special?–filled your ears and then your inner lion roared back that you are indeed worthy and every amazing accomplishment ever done was by a someone (who was once a no one) who did something and why not you

And then one day, that thing–that you wanted so badly and worked for so determinedly–happened. Not just in your imagination, daily visualizations, or dreams. For real. It’s an incredible feeling, isn’t it?

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That’s the path my dream of becoming a published author took. Long, winding, challenging, and in its own time frame.

I’ve written two books before, but you won’t find them anywhere because they never made it past a few drafts. Although I’ve made peace with that part of my history and did grow from it, those “failures” were definitely in the forefront of my mind when I set out to write this current book. This time, however, I was going to get out of my own way. I wasn’t going to let fear and doubt stop me from believing in my Big Dream or taking continuous action toward it.

I had experiences and knowledge I knew could help someone, and it was my soul’s and heart’s wish to give it to that someone. I wrote my book for the friends who know they are meant for something more but can’t see their path. I wrote my book for the strangers I’d overheard venting that they need to change their life now. I wrote my book for the high school and college students who are frustrated because they don’t know what they’re meant to do or be. I wrote my book for the adults who suddenly find themselves living someone else’s life.

I wrote my book for all these people because I was them. In realizing I’d discovered, learned, and gone through things that could help others, I couldn’t keep it to myself. And I didn’t.

As a friend and fellow author, Jai Maa, says: “There are no goals bigger than you. There are only goals that require you to be a bigger you.” I took that encouragement to heart. I hope you can too.

Be big, bold, and bright. Go after what you want. Let no one and nothing stop you. In bringing your soul’s dreams to light and life, you are making the world a better place for all of us. 

To learn more about my book Meant for More: Create Your Dream Life, Plan Your Path, and Start Living It Now please visit my author website

 

The Paralysis of Perfection

Have you ever had a juicy goal or dream that went nowhere? Maybe it was because you couldn’t get past the perfect ending you envisioned. Getting stuck there is largely thanks to the hoards of mental critics that magically appear when you’re about to do something you’ve never achieved. They instantly perk up and fill your head with refrains of: “How are you going to do this?! You’re not ready! Who do you think you are?” They readily supply you with a constant stream of evidence of your imminent failure. That you aren’t smart enough, you don’t know the right people, you don’t have enough money, you have no clue what you’re doing…anything and everything is game.

In short order, you’ve talked yourself out of something you passionately wanted to do. You haven’t taken one step, but in your mind, you’ve pinpointed and played out all the ways you’ve already failed. Your dream suffered Death by Doubt.

Waiting for the perfect moment doesn’t get you anywhere. I’ve missed out on opportunities and experiences because I let my fear of “doing it wrong” stop me. I’m now in that camp that believes it’s better to have tried and failed than to never try and be left with a dreaded “What if?” Waiting until you’re completely prepared and ready will paralyze your dreams…because that time hardly ever comes.

Please don’t misunderstand me…I’m not advocating running headfirst into life without any consideration. This rally cry is for those who have a tendency to be too thoughtful, too cautious. It’s for the Type A personalities and perfectionists. You know who you are.

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I chose this picture I took in Utah as an example of nature following through with her desires without worrying about a perfect ending. This twisted specimen is not what we normally envision when we think of trees. I was grateful the trees had carried on despite whatever challenges and odds they had faced…and there had to be a few. Each tree had a massive goal, and it succeeded in my opinion, but in a way that couldn’t have been predicted.

Nike was spot on with its iconic slogan, “Just do it.” The thing about “just doing it” before you’ve got it “all figured out” is…at least you did something. There are only three things that can happen after you take a step toward your goal:

  1. You fail. Maybe even worse than you could have predicted. Now you know what doesn’t work, and knowledge is power. If you still want to pursue that goal, you can brainstorm another tactic or try again with a refined approach based on lessons learned. If you figure out that your awesome goal wasn’t as awesome as you imagined, great! You can move on, with more perspective in your pocket. 
  2. The result is what you expected or hoped for. Yes! You know what works and can continue. Rock on!
  3. The result is crazy successful, beyond what you thought was possible. Major celebration time! You see that the only limits are the ones you put on yourself. 

Remember, most of the success stories you hear are about a victorious end result following many failures. If you have a passionate desire, a dream that won’t leave you alone, a juicy goal that excites you as much as it scares you…take that first step, no matter how small.

Do your absolute best each step of the way, and let go of whatever is out of your control. Trust yourself, trust Life. Celebrate your courage to feel the fear and do it anyway. Remember WHY you are reaching for this big, scary, audacious ending. Let that vision light you up and keep your fire burning. But just DO something.

What better time to start than right now?

Mind Your Monkeys

worried monkeys

Photo by Patrick Nijhuis

I have a mind that never shuts off. It’s like a 24/7 news station, giving me up-to-the-minute warnings, analysis, investigative reports, predictions, and reviews. This is great for brainstorming and multi-tasking. Not so great for relaxing and re-centering. It can become quite a jungle up there. I like to call my virtual wild kingdom of ideas, movement, and chatter Monkey Mind. If you think you’ve heard that term before, you’re right…I snagged it from the Buddhists. Don’t worry, I cleared it with them first.

When life throws me a challenge, my monkeys tend to call out in protest, a little like this:

Monkeys:  Who do you think you are? You can’t do this!

Me:  Why not? Other people have.

Monkeys:  Yeah. Smarter, better looking, more charismatic, more talented people.

Me:  That’s so mean!

Monkeys:  Look, we’re just telling you how it is, sugar puff. [Nods of agreement all around.] You’re a nobody in this world and you might as well face it. It’ll take you too long to master the skills or gain experience, and frankly you’re too old to start now.

Me:  No! I can do this! I believed in myself yesterday. [Pause.] At least I think I did.

Monkeys:  Well, that was Head in the Clouds Day. This is Come Back to Earth and Deal with the Hard Truth Day.

Photo by K.C. © 2013 Kristin Conroy

Here’s a hard truth: I can’t banish my Monkey Mind permanently. It’s part of my personality, inherited from a long line of overly active-minded ancestors. I can, however, keep the uprisings to a minimum. I’ve succeeded in taming my monkeys from wild, screaming primates who fling poo to civilized primates who drink tea and discuss the meaning of life in hushed tones.

I used to listen to my monkeys, mistaking their rants as gospel. I didn’t even know I had a Monkey Mind until a few years ago…I thought I was just crazy. I used to let them run the joint, allowing them to feed me a diet of self-doubt and anxiety that kept me from attaining groundedness and balance. It wasn’t until I accepted the presence of my Monkey Mind that I was able to do something about it. 

I know there are others like me out there with Monkey Minds because…well, I’ve met some of them. And that usually means there are many more I haven’t met. Therefore, I’d like to share what helps me soothe my vine-swinging mind primates, just in case you are one of those special people. I learned to be the zookeeper of my monkeys. I not only have to show them who’s in charge but take care of them as well. Make sure they get sleep, love, playtime, mental stimulation, and proper nutrition. I highly recommend practicing yoga. Find the kind that works for you. It’s not only beneficial for your body, but makes you feel mentally lighter and more focused too.

The biggest effect on my monkeys, however, is eating real food. Real food means food that’s minimally processed and originally sourced from something other than a box, bag, or can. Dark leafy greens especially make my monkeys sit down and shut up. Believe me, there’s a difference between forking in the good stuff and indulging in too much crap. I’ve tested this theory out more times than I’d like to admit. Eating well keeps your monkeys stay cool, calm, and collected. Take a gander at my recipes page for good eatin’ ideas.

Photo by Dominic Morel

Photo by Dominic Morel

Another significant part of the primate training process is keeping things in perspective. A Monkey Mind distracts you from focusing on what really matters in life. Monkeys have short-sighted vision, seeing only the fleas on the neighboring monkeys’ backs instead of the beauty of the jungle and the opportunities it offers. When my monkeys are in a frenzy and giving me directions to the loony bin, I arrange a sit-down with them:

Me:  Is worrying about this important to my happiness?

Monkeys:  Huh? Ummm…no.

Me:  The happiness of my friends and family?

Monkeys:  Hmm…I guess not.

Me:  Will focusing on this help me achieve my dreams or goals, allow me to grow or evolve, or effectively solve the problems of the human race?

Monkeys:  NoBut, but…

Me:  No buts, monkeys!  Answer me!

Monkeys:  [Sighs all around.] Noooooooooo.

Me:  Ha! I thought so.

In this case, as is usually the case, I’ll then kindly ask my monkeys to return to their cages to do some Sun Salutations.  Now, this doesn’t mean I can avoid things like bills, chores, errands, annoying work projects, or dealing with difficult people. But comparing these “problems” to the grand scheme of life prevents me from having a panic attack or tantrum because of the misplaced focus of my near-sighted monkeys.

It’s a challenge to live with a Monkey Mind, but when you’re in control, you can live a happy, balanced life. I encourage you to focus on experiences, not things.  Focus on love and appreciation, not being right or perfect. And by the way…perfection is for crazy people. Forget about trying to get there, have that, or wanting others to be that. You and your melon full of monkeys have no use for perfect because…it doesn’t exist.

So in conclusion:

  • Be aware of your Monkey Mind and accept it. It’s part of your charm.
  • Know your monkeys. What sets them off and what calms them down.
  • Be master of your monkeys. Otherwise, they’ll master you.
  • Enjoy life! Laugh fearlessly, love infinitely, give of yourself fully, grab opportunities firmly, learn voraciously. Do things that scare you so you can grow. You only get one chance to live this life. So make it count!